Wednesday, 23 July 2008

The great iPod conspiracy!

Recently I came into some money. The video is available on most major adult video sites.

No, no, I kid! In reality I didn't suddenly gain a lot of money, I just simply gathered and counted all of the money that was lying around my house in opened and half-emptied pay packets. These pay packets were lying around everywhere, amidst the spent hookers and empty whiskey bottles that I frequently have in my home.

The money amounted to a little over £600, I was rather pleased. Subtracting £200 to put aside ready to give to a friend I'm indebted to (He breaks shins more often than most of us break wind), I decided to treat myself. "An iPod!" I exclaimed to no-one in particular. It was the perfect plan.

Now I realise you may be reading this and thinking, "Dude, iPods are old news.", but before you crack out the big book of new fads, I ain't some old man who's recently discovered electricity. I did have an MP3 player, it was beautiful, a Creative Zen model. However, in an incident that has since gone unexplained, long-story-short: Singapore broke my Zen!

So, I went online, decided upon a model, the 80gb iPod classic, in silver so it doesn't get muddled up with my brother's. Yes, that's right, the classic model. You can keep your Nano and your Touch and your Shuffle and whatever else the Japanese decided to shrink to a suppository size. I want an iPod that won't be misplaced every time I sneeze.

I found a deal on The going rate for this model of iPod appears to be £159.99, however, on Amazon there was a deal for £147. Score! I ordered it, along with a mains charger, which apparently doesn't come in the pack, and a blue soft silicon skin. To protect the screen, and also to make my iPod look cool.

Bam! I hit the 'Buy' button and the transaction was complete. This morning my mains charger and skin arrived. I was excited, would my iPod come in the next post?


No it wouldn't.

Instead I got a phone call from a company called eXpansys. I didn't realise this was the company I bought my iPod from, it didn't state that I was buying it from another seller through Amazon, as it normally would. Apparently, due to a "human error" they had simply failed to put on Amazon that the iPods they sell are not brand new, they are second hand iPods which have been "Refurbished". I believe that means that they have deleted the songs and wiped it with a cloth.

But, I'm not one to judge, everyone makes mistakes. Surely they just forgot to put 'Refurbished' on the sales page, and instead left it blank. That's an easy mistake to make.
If only they made that mistake. They actually put "Brand New Product." and later "If packaging is damaged upon delivery, do not sign for the product or your insurance is void". Hold on. Are they trying to tell me that whoever wrote that page got to a certain section and had a seizure, causing their hands to flop listlessly across the keyboard, perfectly typing out that the product is brand new, as well as a legal disclaimer.

So, this Yorkshire sounding lady on the phone asked me the question "Would you still like to purchase this product?"


You are asking me if I want to continue buying a second-hand product that costs £12 less than a brand new one?

Are you fucking loopy?


No, I do not wish to buy a £147 iPod that has been used and owned, despite how much effort you clearly put into deleting the memory and removing any traces of pocket lint.

I tried to find the Amazon page to show you, but I couldn't. I am fairly certain that this company makes their money from people who are too stupid to refuse to buy their used products after the deceit and lies.

The good news is, I have now bought a new iPod off a respectable company, for the retail price, with free delivery. And it should arrive tomorrow.

Friday, 18 July 2008

(Waiting for) The Dark Knight

This film has so much hype, and frankly it looks awesome. Everything is looking good for it, from the gritty realism of 'Batman Begins', to the late Heath Ledger's astounding (or so I'm told) performance as the Joker. And let's not forget Christian Bale, one of the best actors around today. A proper method actor who puts his heart and soul into his work.

But... I know people in Australia who have already seen 'The Dark Knight', I think it comes out either today or tomorrow in most of the U.S., yet us faithful fans in Britain, we have to wait until next Thursday! A whole week in which I can avoid any internet article or otherwise that mentions the subject, while the rest of the world tells each other how good it was.

Yes, I know some countries like Denmark and such don't get it for weeks, but I don't care about them. I care about me.

Pfft, I'm gonna go and watch 'Batman Begins'.

Edit: And to those select few who think they know best and tried to ban this film as an insult to the memory of Heath Ledger - Fuck you.

The man was a great actor. Sure, he made mistakes, and it was tragic that he left a young child. But the last thing an actor would want after their death is for one of their greatest performances; a project they put blood, sweat and tears into, the would-be 'Swan-song' of their career, to be banned.

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Welcome to the Lackadaisical Regime!

Hello, and welcome to my poor excuse for a Blog. 'The Lackadaisical Regime' name means something clever and witty, I'm sure. When you figure it out, please don't hesitate to tell me.

In September 2008, whether that be in the future, as it is at the time of writing this, or in the past, as it may be at some point at a later date, or even in the present, as it will be when... I forgot where I was going with this. Anyway, September 2008 I start University to do a combined course in Journalism and Creative Writing. This blog is a place for me to write regularly, mainly so I can work on my currently horrific prose and write listlessly without fear of ruining any of the stories I'm currently working on. You can expect to see anything here. From me complaining about my day, to venting about the news, to rambling absolute nonsense in a drunken stupor. Comments are welcome.

I give no promise that I will update regularly.

This text is bold, and therefore you are more likely to read it.

I'll check back when I have something interesting to say.